Porn is love you can see.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I have aggressive nipples.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
