How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
