I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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