He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
