Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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