Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Randomize
