Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
