so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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