I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
