True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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