I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
