His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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