McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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