Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
