i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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