HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
a search helicopter?!
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I am available for nakedness
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
