My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
