next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize