I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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