Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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