Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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