told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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