and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
