i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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