Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
