Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
