Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
