if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
