after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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