I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
