well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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