apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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