just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
