ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
