Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
