ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
