Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
