How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
they're like a gay fantastic four
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize