With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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