Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
