how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
