Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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