you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize