I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
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