Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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