I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
