he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
