Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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