i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
