in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize