Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
