Girls should come with a carfax report
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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