I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
