tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
