I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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