so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
North Korea, Best Korea!
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
