I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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