she woke up with a sticky ear
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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