she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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