john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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