At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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