She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i wish my penis had a tongue
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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