Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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