he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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