I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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