I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
