Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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