you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
