opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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