guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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