We named our party play list daddy issues
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
