So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
