If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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