glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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