apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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