Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
