they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
