Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i already hear my dad disowning me
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
