btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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