so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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