Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
