I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize