Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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