You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
