dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Bring me that man meat
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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