OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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