margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
