We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
