I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
