So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
