He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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