he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
